I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
