Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
