there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
