So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
