next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
