I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
