This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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