1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
