I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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