Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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