There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
