in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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