dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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