quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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