Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
