I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
