soooo we both peed the bed last night...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
