I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
