i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
