so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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