I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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