if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
