I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
