when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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