My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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