Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
