At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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