Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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