Sponge bath it is.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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