I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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