I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
