I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
