Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
