I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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