cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
