If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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