I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
