i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
