No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
