a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
