are you still at the devil's house?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
