i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
