He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
