You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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