Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
