I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
