R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
