I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
