My hand turned me down
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is my gift to your gina
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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