So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
