Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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