It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
