Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He had one of those small greek statue penises
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
