Dignity is for republicans.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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